Darkroom 101

A wry look at photography foibles.

As with any hobby or pastime, its protagonists develop certain rules, habits or eccentricities, photography is no exception.
In this article, I will give a few of the examples that I find amusing, with my own thoughts of each one, based on the popular TV series, Room 101 rather than the dystopian torture chamber of George Orwell’s 1984 novel.

I am keen to point out that there is no malice intended in any of the following, these are satirical thoughts that have been mulling in my mind for a while, with the intention of a light hearted essay.

Without further ado, bring on the contenders:

Equivalence.
We have finally decided upon a particular camera system, in many cases it will not be a full frame camera, perhaps a compact micro four thirds system or ASP-C.

For every lens that is available in the latter two systems, there will be the mandatory comparison to a full frame camera.
My 20mm lens for my micro four thirds system will be “40mm equivalent”.

I am not using a full frame sensor though, its a 2x crop sensor, an entirely different system to full frame, so I see it as 20mm.

You never hear a comparison of an apple operating system being compared to an IBM based one.. “what is your IBM in terms of apple?”

”You have a 500hp diesel engine in your car, what is that in petrol terms”?
Different systems. It’s irrelevant.

”Settings pls.”

I have seen this in every photo group I have posted on, and while I am happy to try and help with those concepts that can be hard for some to understand, camera settings do not fit into some magic formula for all scenarios!

My settings used on a grey November day in the UK are not going to help Bruce in Australia take perfect images of his summer barbecue.

(On a personal note, at least make an effort to type the word please in full, as well.)

The accessory obsessive.

This person is more often than not, a Fujifilm camera user, who has spent some hard earned cash on the latest X series camera, and spends more time on forums asking which thumb grip he should get, or looking at over priced lens hoods with space age aerodynamics.
My new camera already came with a perfectly usable neck strap as part of the price, but which one should I get to make me a better photographer?
Just get out and take some photos already.

Deal breaking omissions

Your favourite camera brand has released a new camera, you have the money there but you will not buy it because it has just the one (perfectly adequate) card slot.
What happens if they both stop working at the same time?

Oh no, I am not buying a camera without at least three axis stabilisation, even though it has stellar reviews.

I have lost count how many of my early film photos were binned due to my lack of knowledge of the exposure triangle but with the instant gratification that digital photography and live view screens give us, we can have multiple attempts at a shot without the wasted frames.

The AI question

Many of us photographers have sacrificed a Saturday morning lie in, with the hope that the following days weather forecast is correct, there may be some mist in your local woodland or a promise of some clouds that will be under lit by the 5am sunrise.

The alarm goes off at just after 2am, reach the destination with hopefully enough time to spare, to capture blue and golden hour respectively.

If all has gone well, there may be a couple of shots that have made the early morning worthwhile, you carefully edit the scene and look forward to sharing the rewards of your endeavours online.
Most responses will be favourable, encouraging you out again ands again but there will be that one comment: “Is that AI?”

No! I scouted the scene weeks before, worked out when the potential for seeing the scene at its best may be and possibly even lost out on previous attempts due to less than ideal weather conditions.

I have nothing against AI, I just want to capture what is in a scene, not what isn’t.

So there you have it, my thoughts on various photographic foibles, so all that is left for me to do is post a few images taken with my camera, with its fancy gold inlaid wrist strap, and acme thumb grip as recommended by Dave down the pub, taken at the 40mm equivalent focal length.

Do you have a particular photo foible that you find amusing or annoying, let’s start a list!